Random Ramblings

A guide to mastering office small talk

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We spend 1/3 of our time at our jobs, and let’s face it, small talk is an essential skill to master. This guide will help you survive and master office small talk; never again will you be left without anything to say in the office when interacting with colleagues.

  1. I think the water dispenser was adjusted, the stream seems to be faster now. I’m thrilled about reducing my interaction time in the kitchen by 1.7 seconds because of the faster water stream, for real.
  2. You really look like <insert random celebrity name here>,Make sure you there is at least some kind of resemblance though. The celebrity you are comparing the person to shouldn’t be too famous or be ugly. This would increase the chances of the person in question getting offended.
  3. The elevator is really making a lot of noise, I think its quite old. This should last you at least 3-4 floors, depending on the response rate from the inhabitants in the elevator.
  4. You can bring up that most elevators never show the 13th floor because of superstition about that number.
  5. How was your weekend? Be careful, you can only really use this on Monday/Tuesday. If you pull this question on a Wednesday, its questionable.
  6. What are your plans this weekend? Also be careful, I’d generally promote using this line on Thursday/Friday, as these two days are the buildup to the weekend.
  7. That means Wednesday is officially the worst day for small talk, as it leaves you with less options. I suggest just working from home.
  8. How’s the football? It’s a massive general statement, make sure football season is on  before you do and be prepared to respond with a team that you support and a comment about how well they are doing this season. You can use the excuse of not having a massive budget if your team isn’t in the top 10 of whatever league you are discussing. Also, know the top leagues so you don’t look like a fraud.
  9.  Did you move recently? This is also tricky, but generally a safe bet as people seem to be moving all the time. Be careful not to use this on the same person within the same year.
  10. What did you think of the last social gathering we had? Just make sure you were both at the latest social gathering and that you remember which gathering it was. Remembering the food that you ate also helps move the conversation forward.
  11. Got any holidays coming up/what was your last holiday like? This is one is easy and a topic everyone loves to chat about. It’s what most of us have to look forward to.
  12. The canteen is serving <insert food of the day here>, it’s delicious/not great. Again, an easy one as talking about food always works. Just make sure you do this around eating time.

I would say you are more than ready for the office, armed with these 12 topics for small talk.

You’re welcome.

Readers, what is your go to small talk topic?

Laters,

Niels

2 Comments on “A guide to mastering office small talk

  1. The progress of the construction workers outside the office building. Every morning we ask each other what we think the progress of last day could be. Then we walk to the window and look down for the answer. So inspirational…

  2. Really trying conversation about paralel universe and dejavu and such but mostly noone is ready to hear such a subjects when drinking morning coffee….

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