It was the final evening of a boys’ trip in the city of Prague, a week full of adventure and the feeling that one had to prove oneself, as a man and all. Not for Dirk though, he was simply there, hoping to get into some ridiculous situation again, that’s what he was known for, his curiosity. His curiosity could only be described as depraved, wondrous and sometimes entertaining. On the final evening of their trip, Dirk and Bjarki met up with their African American friend, Eddy. Eddy was probably the only African-American person in all of Prague working behind a bar. Eddy had seen things, he’d been places. He had things to share with the two gentlemen from Sweden and the three of them bonded over their shared hate for EDM and pop music. They were old souls. The evening started off with dinner at an authentic Czech restaurant.
The evening progressed and the alcohol kept flowing and eventually, the team of three ended up in a 70s/80s rock bar, authentic enough to make you believe you were not in Prague. Their appearance matched the rock décor, dressed in mostly black. As is typical of young men, it was time to go on the hunt. The final hunt before going back home. The men set out to scavenge the bar, looking for anything or anyone that may be interested.
Dirk had different things on his mind but played along well enough to not make that too obvious, being careful not to disrupt the masculine energy of the group. He was looking for substance, intrigue, an interesting face with an even more interesting story, preferably. She stood in the crowd as Dirk scanned the bar, by herself, with a level of intrigue and mystery that was very attractive. She had medium length dark hair and a very penetrating stare. He mustered up the courage to walk up to her and do his best attempt to woo her. Before he could open his mouth, she pulled him by the arm and dragged him to the other side of the bar. Dirk could only muster the most basic of opening sentences during the process.
“What’s your name?”
“I need to bring man to meet parents, tomorrow in Moldavia,” the mystery woman responded in broken English.
“That’s an interesting thing to say to someone you have never spoken to before,” Dirk responded. “I can’t come with you because I have to go back home tomorrow.”
There was no response from the mystery woman, just a deep stare into Dirk’s soul, she appeared to be studying his worth. Before Dirk could get another word out to break the silence, she stomped on his toes as hard as she could, with her 5-inch heels. Dirk staggered back in disbelief, hardly hiding his pain. It set something off in him, something new, something exciting. He responded, in a primal fashion and grabbed her by the throat while pushing her back into the wall. Not too hard but with enough force and persistence to make his point. They began making out, heavily. His friends were not sure what to do, but they didn’t interfere. As soon as the kissing ended, she released a hard slap to the left side of his face. He’d never been slapped before and anger set in and Dirk stormed off. He headed back into the oblivious and drunk crowd, dancing away to “Hot for Teacher” by Van Halen. Nobody took notice of their bizarre interaction, so far. Even though Dirk walked off, he was hoping to gain some power back by making her chase him. It was turning into a war for power, and he felt like he was losing the first few battles. Before he could further regroup and strategize, he felt a tug at his arm. She grabbed him and dragged him to another section of the bar. He bluffed and she took the bait. He found out that her name was Collete and her family owned a flower company back in Moldavia. Bonding was strenuous because of her broken English, although it added to the intrigue. After some time passed, the duo left the bar and hailed a taxi. He finally felt like this was going somewhere and was somewhat excited at the prospect of potentially having sex with this mysterious creature.
After about a five-minute ride from the center to the river Danube, which runs directly through the middle of Prague, she asked the driver to stop. At this point, she and the driver were in a full blown conversation, it seemed as if the two had been childhood friends all along. The pair got out of the car and began walking along the river. The railing, which you could find all along the edge of the river, looked eerie and was completely covered in spider webs. It was quite a unique sight, Dirk had never seen so many spider webs and the way the light of the moon caught them was terrifyingly beautiful. As the pair continued to walk hand in hand, Dirk noted that she had somewhat let her guard down.
“Come, you play with spider,” Collete asked enthusiastically.
“No, no, no, no, no, there is no way I’m touching any spiders,” Dirk quickly responded.
Dirk watched as Collete put her arm in one of the spider webs. In almost an instant, a sizable spider crawled up her arm and she remained completely unfazed, making it look like this was perfectly normal for a night out. It turns out that Collete was the spider whisperer.
“Holy shit, you have got to be kidding me right now,” Dirk emphasized. “Keep those damn things away from me.”
Collete insisted that Dirk joins her while she grabbed more spiders. She couldn’t just stop at one regular sized spider but explored the entire range of spider sizes the railing had to offer. After about five minutes of utter confusion from Dirk’s side, he finally mustered up the courage to attempt to bond with one of the smaller spiders. He walked up to the railing and grabbed one of the smaller spiders. Dirk was not going to let some spiders, one of his mortal fears, derail the hard work he had put in.
“This is not so bad,” Dirk admitted reluctantly.
He tried his best to hide his expression of pure disgust and horror and was waiting for some sort of reward for his efforts. Collete burst out laughing and the couple continued walking. They soon got to a bus stop and entered the next bus heading towards the North East side of the city. As they entered yet another mode of transportation in an unknown city, Dirk became slightly worried for his life. A feeling of relief washed over him and before things settled down completely, she began speaking to him again, but in Moldavian this time. The language must have been similar to that spoken in Prague, because some of the people in the direct vicinity began laughing at them. Dirk realized that she was humiliating him, in her own language and their audience was loving it. He got off the bus at the next stop and took off running, back towards the general direction of the hostel. Not today, spider lady, not today.